My blog has been silent again. Just as my schedule was letting up a bit, my father fell ill. In Jane Austen’s time, extended families lived in one village and often under the same roof. Healthy family members or friends took care of the sick, elderly, and very young. In this age, when sons and daughters and siblings live far apart, taking care of a loved one is not as convenient. I took time off from work, more to help my 88 year-old mother than my father, who was in the hospital, and to take some stress off my brother, who was starting a challenging and demanding new assignment. We thought Dad had suffered a stroke. In the 18th century, his condition would have been described as apoplexy, or “paralysis caused by stroke. Sudden deprivation of all the internal and external sensation and of all motion unless of the heart and thorax.” ( Glossary of Old Medical Terms Used in the 18th and 19th Centuries)
As he came out of a restaurant bathroom, my dad forgot to walk. I happened to be there, worried that he was taking so long. He began to slur his words and hallucinated that his father, who has been dead for 40 years, was joining us for dinner. We rushed him to the emergency room, where he wound up in good hands, receiving excellent diagnostic care. After four days of tests, he was transferred to a rehab hospital for the elderly to receive 10 days of speech therapy, physical therapy, and occupational therapy.
Stroke (apoplexy) satirical art work. 1822 copy of a Charles Aubry original. Click here to go to Fine Art America to read the details.
Back in the old days, those who suffered apoplexy or stroke were not so lucky. Many died within hours of the event, if not a few weeks later. Blood letting was one cure that was thought to be effective, although in most cases the practice was harmful and weakened the patient.
Some of those who survived successive attacks, especially the young, were mistaken for being mad. Romance author, Laura Kinsale, has written a remarkable book entitled Flowers From the Storm, in which a hedonistic and haughty duke is placed by his family into a mental institution after a major stroke. His sudden inability to communicate and lack of physical control is described in detail by this talented author in a story that, 15 years after I first read it, still stands out in my mind. I imagine the fate that this fictional Duke suffered was shared by many actual people of that era.
In our case, Dad benefited from modern medicine. An MRI showed previous minor strokes, but a CAT scan proved that this was not the reason for his illness. Dad’s illness was a “neurological event” that has been attributed to the progression of his Parkinson’s disease, once known as shaking palsy; the effects of a new medication, which made him hallucinate; the poisonous interaction among the 16 some medications he was taking per day; the slow advancement of his dementia; lack of exercise; and simply old age.
Two hundred years ago, I would have lived close enough to my parents to help on a daily basis. These days, Dad will be depending on home visits from medical personnel and the loving attentions of his wife.
My, how times have changed.
More on the topic:
Jane Austen's World 
I am sad to hear that your father’s stroke has been the reason for your silence. My father had Parkinson’s and I had four TIAs in 2008 so I know whereof you speak. I wish your whole family the strength to cope. Yes, while living in the 19th century would have had many disadvantages, the closeness of family and friends was a considerable advantage.
Thanks for your enlightening remarks about strokes and the comparison betweeen old and modern times. Hope the best für your dad and I pray that your mother will be able to care for him. I admire how you look after your family despite your own busy schedule. Take care!
So sorry to hear about your father, I hope that those interactions are all worked out and that he is well enough to enjoy the holidays.
This post just highlights how lucky and advanced we’ve come. Thanks youj.
Please accept my condolences on your father’s illness. My sister-in-law’s husband suffered a stroke in 2011, and my father-in-law has Parkinson’s and has suffered hallucinations as a medication side effect too.I empathize with the emotional and practical strain of being at such distance from loved ones in a significant, ongoing need. I’m thankful your father is receiving quality care. My heart & prayers go out to you and your family at this time.
So sorry to hear of your father’s illness. As the chief caregiver or supervisor of care for my parents from 2007 to 2011 when they had both passed, I know of the logistics of trying to be available and working at the same time. I shall say a prayer for you as God brings you to mind. I so appreciate this blog and all the valuable information you provide. And, your article today was so relevant to the situation at hand. We have gotten so far from the family dynamics of that time.
i am glad you were able to get your father to the emergency quickly. they say the quicker they receive help, the quicker they recover. i am sure your family appreciated your being there.
my father in law had several strokes. when i was a child, i remember that strokes could be death sentences. nice that it doesn’t have to be so today
Thank you all for your kind messages. Dad is so happy to be home in familiar surroundings, as is my mom, who missed him terribly while he was recuperating.
All healing wishes to your father, you, and your whole family. Thank you for continuing this wonderful blog and reminding us of these important bonds between past and present!!!
Tough times, hope all make it through ok. Learned from your comparisons between then and now. God Bless.
I’m sorry to hear about your father’s stroke. My mother had several minor ones until she suffered a major one. Thankfully, she managed to get most of her movement back.
Dear Vic,
sorry to hear of your father’s illness and happy to know he is at home with your mother now.
Take care yourself, too.
I’m so sorry to hear about your father’s health issues! My dad dealt with his own set this year (prostate cancer), and I do live close, which is a blessing — but oh, the emotional toll! I feel for you on that score — I know it can be very rough. I am happy to hear that he is back home with your mother where he belongs!! :) Take care!
I was thinking just this morning about your blog, hoping that all was well with you, then not three hours later this post landed in my inbox. It is as interesting and informative as always, and also made me pause for a moment to think how far medical science has come and how blessed we are to live in this modern era. I’m wishing your family calm days, contentment, and joy in each other, whatever comes.
Vic, I do hope your dear parents will do well and be comfortable, stable, and together. I lost my own mother and mother-in-law recently (both @90), and am familiar with this sobering but natural passage in life. Your blog was reflective, thoughtful, enlightening. All best wishes to you and your family for a happy and healthy 2014.
Hi Vic, my name is Delisa, I am 50 years old and I live in rural town in south Georgia, USA. I am so sorry to hear about your Dad’s illness. It must have been so comforting for them both, to have you there during those first days after the stroke. It sounds like they have a very good support system in place, between your siblings and the home health care.
I have read your blog for several years, I enjoy it so much. Your posts and the subjects you choose to research are so interesting. You are a wonderful writer! And, you make the world of Jane Austen, come to life with color and texture, which has helped me to appreciate her books even more. Thank you! Delisa :)
Vic, as other have written, my dad also had Parkinson’s disease. He was very ill for several of the years and i had to travel to take care of him. i know how much strain that puts on a person. I had four children at home at the time. My mother also needed care.
Thank you for returning to the blog and sharing some of your personal life with us. You are not alone-
i wish both of your parents the best – ~Susan
Sorry your father was so ill. You are a good daughter to drop everything and help your folks.
So sorry to read of your dad’s illness, Vic.Best wishes,Bonnie
Date: Tue, 17 Dec 2013 19:23:42 +0000 To: bonitammoore@gmail.com
I am sorry to hear about your father. I will send good thoughts to you and your family. I took care of my mother in her final illness – cancer at age 46. The drugs kept her hallucinating too. It is so difficult to watch that deterioration in someone so beloved.
Dear Vic, bless you for being a good and loving daughter. I’m the primary care giver for my mom. I’ve learned that there are many people who say they “can’t” help. The truth is, they won’t help. Your family has pulled together and I’m sure it has brought you closer. Life is precious. It isn’t just about good times. By stepping up and helping during the difficult times you are honoring your parents and your family. Your parents obviously did a great job raising you! On the days when I think I “can’t” I try and remember one thing: There is the thing God would have you do, and there is the other thing. The choice is mine. It is hard to do the right thing, but the reward is a life with no regrets.
Your understanding must balance the emotional ’tilt’ you have surely felt throughout this episode. Many cannot find this relative ‘balance’—I’m glad you can do so! And appreciate the here-and-now realities vs those that so many humans in the past did not have access to. Special wishes for your family—good love is hard to come by!
Like you, I read Flowers from the Storm many years ago and despite having a lamentably bad memory and having read many books since then, I still remember how touched I was by that book. It’s on my Keepers Shelf and I plan to read it again soon. Laura Kinsale did a remarkable job.
All the best to you and your family. Yes, times have changed with our proximity (or lack of) to family and certainly the medical treatments. Your love and care of family, however, crosses the ages.
Vic, I’ve enjoyed your many posts, some sobering (Poor Princess Caroline still haunts me) some enchanting – thank you. Thank you too for letting us share and reflect on family and illness and caring – the beauty and tiredness of it, the worry and the real connection of it, so many contradictions. Yet I wish I could care once again for my parents, now long gone, as I did to the backburnering of job and so forth. Always at the heart of the story a person doing the right thing as they are able, and making good things happen, the tiny miracles, and purpose of life. All the best to you and your family in this season, Julia Bennett, Toronto
Vic, you were missed. I have walked in your shoes and you have much sympathy. I’m glad your dad is improving and in good hands. Like you, I’ve often thought about history as my parents failed – some times I think the old days were better, if only because we didn’t end up scattered everywhere instead of close to our families. There is something to be said for family all living nearby. I was lucky to have good neighbors and friends in close proximity – I hope your mom is as lucky so you can worry less. Happy Holidays!
You are an amazing young women . With all that is going on around you ,you still you have time to keep us informed. I send you all the love you and your family can handle .
I have enjoyed every thing from this informative blog and all that you have on Pinterest.
You have helped me pass many an early morning, drinking coffee and catching up on your doings.
I can not thank you enough for giving me such joy.
Sincerely
Marie Landry
Love your blog, thanks for sharing your recent life crisis and comparing it to how things have improved medically for the modern generation. In today’s world, as you stated, due to long distances that relatives often live from each other, adult children don’t always ‘show up’ during a crisis. In the past this was often taken for granted, but we have since lost a valuable core to our society (care and sensitivity towards the ill, elderly or dying), a topic our family has discussed often and recently.
I appreciate that you chose to put aside your own routine for a time to be present and helpful to your parents during their time of need. What a comfort that must have been for them! In our ‘advanced’ society many times the elderly miss out on the fundamental things such as the comfort that a farmiliar loved one brings during an illness. We have forgotten how to actively care for others, leaving all those former familial roles up to the professionals of our time.
There are not always simple solutions, so it’s nice to read about how you and your siblings worked these things out. Thank you for modeling how family can still be involved in some of the care taking (for a season) in today’s busy world. The sick, elderly (and disabled) are still valuable assets to our word; we learn caring, patience and many other virtues when we choose to come along side the suffering. We lose something as a culture when we don’t value and accommodate the weak or honor the elderly. It’s good to see that cherished. Thank God for modern medicinal practices such as those your Dad received, enabling him to enjoy more quality time with his family.
I wish your parents well and lift them in a prayer tonight.
A very Merry Christmas and all the best in the New Year ahead, to you and your loved ones!
I’ve been missing your blog posts and am sad to hear the news about your father. All best wishes to you and your family as you deal with this difficult time. Thanks very much for this informative post highlighting the contrast between the 18th C. and our own century.
So sorry to hear about your Dad – but fortunate that he received medical treatment so quickly. My Dad also suffered from Parkinson’s related dementia, and my Mom took care of him at home as long as she could. Enjoy every minute you have with him!
So sorry to hear about your dad. My brother-in-law had a stroke a few years ago and ended up in a home for the elderly because he couldn’t be taken care of at home. This made things all the more painful for him and stressful for his family, as you point out. I’m glad your dad will be looked after by your mum, although I imagine that won’t be easy for her or for you.
One thing that has not changed is our love for, and appreciation of, our parents. Wishing all good things in this difficult time for your family. I can truly say I do not regret a moment spent with my dear parents. Caring for them in their last illnesses was a privilege and an honour.
Although a recent visitor to your website, I already love it. Your experience with your dad also makes an emotional connection; I lost mine almost three years ago.
As Robin stated above, I, too was just thinking about your blog when this arrived. I am sorry to hear about your dad but so glad you posted this insightful article. How lucky YOU are to have both your folks still here. Have a very happy Christmas.
My best wishes to your father for a rapid recovery. My father-in-law had Parkinson’s, so I can appreciate what he and your family have been going though. I am very glad he is home again, and benefiting from everything modern medicine can do. A very happy holiday season to you all.
So sorry to hear of your dad’s illness. I am just now beginning to deal with aging parents and their ailments. Dad is being treated for a slow-growing cancer, but the real challenge is in dealing with Mom’s reality that he is ill. While my husband and I continue to support our children through their final college years, we are truly feeling the pressure of the “sandwich” generation. Prayers for you and your loved ones.
Just wanted to say thank for your amazing boards and blogs! I manage newbridge house and farm in donabate co. Dublin an 18th cen house park and farm and so much u share is relevant to my work and to me personally. I so enjoy ur posts everyday. Happy christmas and if your ever in dublin (we’re 10 mins from dublin airport) please come visit!
Kindest regards
Brenda
On the book Aristocrats, by Stella Tillyard, she tells about a family saga on the 18th century. She writes that many times people died because of the medicin, and not the illness itself. I always thought that evolution should have granted human beings a more suitable physical resistence to face the necessities of each time. No doubt, concerning medical care, we are really living on a golden age.
Good luck to your father!
Firstly, I totally know how you are feeling right now. I have a father who is slowly fading away with Parkinsons and my sweet mother who is healthy is showing signs of wear and tear that she shouldn’t. However, because I work I can’t always be there. This Christmas the whole family is together for the first time in about 8 years. I feel strengthened by this. So, I send love and hope your way so that in the year to come, you and your family will be able to manage your father’s care and provide the quality of life you all need. Best wishes.
Vic, so sorry about your father. I had hoped your absence from the blogosphere was due to something fun! My parents were living nearly 500 miles away when I had to go care for them. I thought at the time how much simpler it would have been in the days when my ancestors lived in the same area for hundreds of years. But then, medicine was quite primitive. I’ll look into the books you mentioned. They sound like ones that will help me not romanticise the past so much! All the best to you and your family as you go through all this.
Hi, Vic. I came late to this, but thank you for an educational and moving post. Along with several other commenters, I have lost a parent to Parkinson’s, so I can sympathize. Best wishes for the months ahead.
We will keep you and your father in our thoughts and prayers. And thanks for posting this interesting article on it historically!
Praying for you and your loved ones!