“From [a husband] that loves any thing besides me, [except that which] is very just and honourable—deliver me!”
I came across this prayer in The New Lady’s Magazine, October, 1791. I can just imagine some of Jane Austen’s heroines praying it. Here’s the prayer, entitled “A Young Lady’s Prayer for a Husband”:
“From a prophane (profane) libertine, from one affectedly pious, from a profuse almoner, from an uncharitable wretch, from a wavering religioso and injudicious zealot—deliver me.
“From one of starched gravity, or ridiculous levity, from an ambitious statesman, from a restless projector, from one that loves any thing besides me, but what is very just and honourable—deliver me!
“From an extasy’d poet, a modern wit, a base coward, and a rash fool—deliver me!
“From a Venus darling, from a Bacchus proselyte, . . . from all other masculine affectations, not yet recounted—deliver me!
“—But give me one, whose love has more of judgment than passion, who is master of himself, or at least an indefatigable scholar in such a study, who has an equal flame, a parallel inclination, a temper and soul so like mine, that, as two tallies, we may appear more perfect by union.
“—Give me one of as genteel an education as a little expence of time will permit, with an indifferent fortune, independent of the servile levees of the great, and yet one whose retirement is not so much from the public, as into himself; one (if possible) above flattery and affronts, and yet as careful in preventing an injury, as able to repair it; one, the beauty of whose mind exceeds that of his face, yet that not deformed, so as to be distinguishable from others by it’s ugliness.
“—Give me one that has learned to live much in a little time; one that is no great familiar in converse with the world, nor no little one with himself; one (if two such happinesses may be granted at one time to our sex) who with these endowments may have an easy honest disposition; who by his practice, as well as principles, has made himself so, let him be truly virtuous and pious, and me be truly happy in my choice.” –Inamorato.
Where do you see Austen’s characters in this prayer? How about:
Deliver me from Mr. Collins (one of starched gravity), from Mr. Parker (a restless projector, starting overly-ambitious projects), and from Mr. Willoughby, Wickham, or Crawford (profane libertines). Also deliver me from Sir Walter Elliot (who is “servile to the great”).
I’m guessing a “Venus darling” is a fop, for which I need to go to Georgette Heyer’s The Unknown Ajax and say, deliver me from Claud Darracott. A “Bacchus proselyte” is obviously a drunk, so we might say deliver me from Mr. Hurst (?) or any of the party in “Jack and Alice” of Austen’s Juvenilia, all of whom were carried home “dead drunk.”
What kind of man does this young lady pray for instead?
A man who:
- Loves her based more on judgment than on passion.
- Has mastered or is learning to master himself.
That is, he does NOT love her as Mr. Darcy first professes to love Elizabeth. She tells him: “you chose to tell me that you liked me against your will, against your reason, and even against your character” (ch. 34). Instead, Darcy learns to love her AND “what is very just and honorable,” which he shows by rescuing Lydia, blaming his own reticence for her predicament.
The “young lady” also prays for a man who:
- Is reasonably well-educated
- Does not flatter or take offense easily, but avoids injuring others and can help repair injuries unwittingly inflicted.
I think Henry Tilney is a good example of this. When he finds out what Catherine has been imagining about his father, he does rebuke her, but he obviously doesn’t hold a grudge. He does all he can to make her comfortable later. Henry is also obviously well-educated.
The young lady also prays for someone who:
- Has an easy, honest disposition
- Is more handsome in mind than in face (but not obviously ugly).
Elinor sees this beauty of mind and honesty in Edward Ferrars, who “was not handsome, and his manners required intimacy to make them pleasing. He was too diffident to do justice to himself; but when his natural shyness was overcome, his behaviour gave every indication of an open, affectionate heart. His understanding was good, and his education had given it solid improvement.”
And finally, and presumably most importantly, the young lady prays for a man who:
- Is truly virtuous (treating others as he wants to be treated) and pious (honoring God) in beliefs and practices. And, he
- Makes her happy.
Sometimes in Austen’s novels there is a test of virtue. In Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Darcy acts virtuously when he humbles himself and gets Mr. Wickham to marry Lydia. Wickham shows his lack of virtue by eloping with Lydia with no intention of marriage.
In Sense and Sensibility, Colonel Brandon shows his virtue in continuing to serve Marianne and her family any way he can, without really believing Marianne will love him. He also shows loyalty to his first love, Eliza, even after her disgrace. Willoughby, of course, shows his lack of virtue by seducing and abandoning Eliza’s daughter, then abandoning Marianne for a rich woman.
And, we can see that each hero is the very one to make the heroine happy! Prayers answered, courtesy of Jane Austen.
Do you see other Austen characters in “A Young Lady’s Prayer for a Husband”? (Or Georgette Heyer characters, if you wish!) Tell us in the comments!
The “Young Lady’s Prayer” can be found on google books.
Jane Austen's World 
Great article! Persuasion has some good contrasts. Mr. Elton is easily offended, as when Emma rejected him, but careless of hurting others, as he intentionally snubbed Harriet to get back at Emma. He professes passion, but perhaps he mostly lusts after Emma’s wealth and position. He’s affected and easily flattered. Frank Churchill may be guilty of passion overriding his reason (although Jane will be a good wife, one suspects), ridiculous levity and carelessness in offending (the spelling tiles at Box Hill), and is a bit of a rash fool (riding to London to get his hair cut, but maybe he was visiting Jane?). But one believes he will mature well, hopefully. Mr. Knightley has all the heroic virtues, and yet is grounded, manages his property carefully, and is a thoughtful landlord. He has good insight into people and isn’t fooled by appearances. He’s so unpretentious that he walks when it would be typical to arrive in his carriage, but he’s so thoughtful that he would send a carriage for the less fortunate.
Great insights, Leslie! (Though I think we learn that Frank actually went to London to order a pianoforte for Jane, a loving thought though he didn’t actually consider all the speculation it would expose her to.) Yes, hopefully he will mature with Jane as his wife. And if Emma had prayed this prayer, Mr. Knightley would certainly have been her answer! An admirable hero.
I’m partial to Col. Brandon and Mr. Knightley as very decent men. They’re rocks that can be counted on. Drama free.
Very much agree–both of them.
I agree, Leslie – Colonel Brandon is another favourite male character for me, along with the brilliant George Knightley
Oh, Leslie, great comments, but Frank Churchill was in London to purchase a pianoforte.
Am relieved to hear this; he has just risen in my estimation. I can’t help but think a violin or small wind instrument would have attracted less gossip, but it was a generous gesture.
Mr. Knightley thought it the action of a young man, as I recall, and I think, rather unwise. I think your idea is a good one. I imagine Frank Churchill thinking to himself, “I can, therefore, I will.” I keep trying to figure out how he let Jane Fairfax know the pianoforte was his gift. He loved to hear her play, as did, apparently, Mr. Dixon.
Loved reading A Young Lady’s Prayer for a Husband! Sorry, but Edward Ferrars is not one of my favourite characters, rather a ‘wimp’ and I always feel he needs a good shake! For me, Darcy comes a close second to George Knightley (I’m not even sure that Emma really deserved him!!)
Thanks, Margaret! We all have different favorites! Mr. Knightley loves Emma in spite of her faults, which I think is a good quality in itself (“faultless in spite of all her faults” . . .). :-)
Margaret, I have Felt the same towards Edward Ferrars on an emotional level, but I do think he is one of J.A.’s most honorable characters. In behaving as he did towards Lucy, he had everything to lose and nothing to show for it except his honor, and Elinor will never have to wonder if he will be faithful to her in their marriage. Edward’s actions are so totally different from what we ever see in thesepost-modern times.
Yes, Zoe! Edward was a man of true honor. I like your insight about his faithfulness after marriage, too.
Another thing is, Edward didn’t go behind Lucy’s back and say to Elinor or to anyone, “Well, I Have to marry Lucy as I pledged myself to her” or something like that. He made some mistakes, but he was honorable towards Lucy. Capt. Wentworth, who also made mistakes, was also prepared to take responsibility for his own actions and marry Louisa, and though he would not have regained Anne, at least he would have had a good marriage partner, and (I know this is not going to be a popular idea) I think he would have Eventually learned to care for her, maybe even love her, because love isn’t just a feeling, it’s a decision. ) So relieved it didn’t happen that way. Anne is my favorite heroine.
Zoe & Brenda, You are, of course, completely right about Edward Ferrars – he was an honourable man who stood by his actions, however much to his own detriment. He was also under no illusions about his own failings, but refreshingly honest about them.
Thank you, Margaret. It is really where the rubber meets the road. I learned from understanding this, and it was a hard lesson for me. Lucy and Robert deserve each other, ha ha.
Margaret, I just have to add, Mr. Knightley is just The Best, in my opinion.
An interesting thought, Zoe, about Louisa and Wentworth ending up happy together. Austen several times gives us indications that a different ending might have worked out for other characters (especially in Mansfield Park, but also in S&S), and I think she would have agreed with you, as I do, that love is a decision. But, like you, I’m happy for Anne, and for the other happily ever after’s Austen gives us!
Life so often doesn’t happen the way we want it to.
I loved this prayer, Brenda, finding it very much relevant today as it was in yesteryear!
Thanks, Julie! I came across it when I was researching something else, and just thought it was so wonderful I had to share it!
What a wonderful use of examples with the prayer.
denise
Thanks, Denise!